Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
