dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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