i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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