i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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