We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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