I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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