yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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