I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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