If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
