Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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