Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
