3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
