He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
