Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
