I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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