went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
