I need help removing her.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
