well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
