i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
