i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Less talking, more tequila
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
