Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
