I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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