: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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