I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
