Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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