I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
