if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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