Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
