i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
