i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
