I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
