I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
