so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
