I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
