everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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