We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will be naked everywhere
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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