You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
