Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
