i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
