MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
