come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
