I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
