Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
