I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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