I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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