I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
