well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
