Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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