Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
