Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
