I have demons in me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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