You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
