how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
