My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
